Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
