Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
