Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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