WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
