You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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