Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this beer tastes like vomit already
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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