if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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