when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
