We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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