i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
