is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
