She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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