I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize