two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
