We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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