susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
