never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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