After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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