You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
