I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize