Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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