I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
