Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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