I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
