you turned your livingroom into a bong?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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