i was born a porn star she said
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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