i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
50% drunk capacity currently
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
