dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
