My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
