Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
