those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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