Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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