are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Boobs speak an international language.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
