The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
