Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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