Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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