Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
