i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
