Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
