I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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