YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
