His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
