so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
