Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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