If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
