we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
