Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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