Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i think i just lost a toe
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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