sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize