I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
