I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
