Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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