Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
please don't ironically join a cult
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