do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
