Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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