I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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