thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she told me i tasted like america
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Houston, we have a blender
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
