I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
