I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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