Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
