i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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