we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
