I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
