I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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