How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
