I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
