I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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