I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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