Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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